if you're at a super bowl party with the weapons of pass destruction owner, and the band breaks into "rosalita," take cover. you've been warned.

Bruce Springsteen will perform at halftime of the Super Bowl.

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forget the economy; how's my fantasy team doing?

Taxmen and Dirty Sanchez remain undefeated. Montana is the only other team with a winning record. Cavalry finally gets a win. Your Original Champions still looking for that elusive first victory.

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to sum up

house votes against s'mores!

From the bailout debate:

* "Madam Speaker, this is is a huge cow patty with a piece of marshmallow stuck in the middle of it, and I'm not going to eat that patty." -- Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga.

* "A crap sandwich" -- Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio, describing the bailout bill. (The best thing about this phrase is that it translates into any language. This is from Sweden: Den republikanske minoritetsledaren John Boehner kallade, enligt webbsajten Politico.com, krispaketet för en "crap sandwich" (fritt översatt: "skitsmörgås") när han informerade sina partikamrater om innehållet natten till måndagen - dock rekommenderade han dem att rösta ja till förslaget.)

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slow starters

The score after one quarter of the Jets' 56-35 win over the Cardinals: 0-0.

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play me or trade me

Notable benchings over the weekend:

* RB Larry Johnson (Babs) -- 20 points
* QB Drew Brees (Taxmen) -- 18
* RB Edgerrin James (Cavalry) -- 16
* RB Chris Johnson (Cat Success) -- 15
* RB Steven Jackson (Winehausfrau) -- 14
* QB Jason Campbell (Flaming Chickens) -- 12 (particularly painful since Carson Palmer did not play at all)

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paul newman, r.i.p.

Among the movies you should make it a point to see:

* The Hustler
* Cool Hand Luke
* Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
* The Sting
* The Towering Inferno (guilty pleasure)
* Slap Shot
* The Verdict
* Nobody's Fool

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1973: when men were men and gas was all but unavailable

The Charlotte area is in the last throes of a temporary gas shortage caused by a disruption in supplies owing to Hurricane Ike. Result: the usual mayhem and hysteria.

FYI: During the oil crisis of 1973-74, the national speed limit was lowered to 55 miles per hour and year-round daylight saving time was instituted.

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and they laughed when babs took him that high

Brett Favre's 6 TD passes vaulted him to the top spot among QBs in our league.

Incidentally, the record for TD passes in a game is 7, most recently by Joe Kapp in 1969.

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week 5 bye weeks

Not playing this weekend: Jets, Oakland, St. Louis, Cleveland

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Harrison, get in there! ... Harrison ... where's Harrison?

In what may be a first for the league, Your Original Champion's bench was made up entirely of players on bye weeks.

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economic accountability as practiced in india

A mob of sacked workers bludgeoned to death the CEO who had presided over layofffs at a car-parts factory in a suburb of Delhi.

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hmm ... Metallica or the Stooges ... what do you think, Rege Sr.?

Latest candidates for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (five will be inducted):

Jeff Beck

Chic

Wanda Jackson

Little Anthony and the Imperials

Metallica

Run D.M.C.

The Stooges

War

Bobby Womack

week 4 bye weeks

Detroit, Indianapolis, Miami, N.Y. Giants, Seattle, New England.

the wheat, the chaff, the outcomes

Games between the haves and the have-nots ended predictably:

* Dirty Sanchez 60, Your Original Champions 38 -- the Falcons' Michael Turner is quickly turning into a beast for DS, leading all running backs in points.

* Taxmen 71, Cavalry 36 -- no contest, and thus no comment.

always run spellcheck. always.

hit somebody, would ya?

The Carolina Panthers' record without standout wide receiver and noted sucker-puncher Steve Smith: 2-0.
The Panthers' record with him: 0-1.

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oh, snap!

In the Dolphins' 38-13 pasting of the Patriots, the Dolphins dusted off an old high school play: 6 times they snapped the ball directly to RB Ronnie Brown. The result: 4 touchdowns (3 rushing, 1 passing).

Brown, wisely started by the Flaming Chickens, finished the day with 5 TDs and 34 fantasy points.

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it still doesn't excuse him for drafting jeff garcia and matt leinart

The Weapons of Pass Destruction owner is one of 5 finalists for CFO of the year among all public companies in Pittsburgh.

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show your love for Sarah Palin

Clicking here will take you to a Sarah Palin Web site.

Then click on "Visit the VPILF Store" at the top.

If you don't know what VPILF means, ask around.

the commish gets on his soapbox (one in a continuing series)

Before this "fact" becomes ingrained in the public consciousness, let the commish just say for the record that John McCain did NOT claim to have invented the BlackBerry. Nor did Al Gore claim to have invented the Internet.

When asked Tuesday about McCain's expertise on financial markets and matters, his chief economic adviser held up a BlackBerry and said, and I quote: "He did this. Telecommunications of the United States is a premier innovation in the past 15 years -- comes right through the Commerce Committee -- so you're looking at the miracle John McCain helped create, and that's what he did."

Now as to Gore. Here is what he said in 1999, and I quote: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system." (For more on this, click here .)

By now you may be asking yourself, "Why are you ranting at us, commish?" Here's why -- while neither of these are shining examples of well-chosen words, there are so many serious issues facing this country that talking about who "invented" what is a completely needless distraction. Furthermore, given the commish's livelihood, it galls him to no end to see some members of the media play along in keeping such half-truths going.

End of tirade.

trade winds a-blowing

Not content to stand pat in their undefeated season, the Taxmen traded QB Kurt Warner to the struggling Cavalry for RB Matt Forte.

hurricane ike: the aftermath

Before and after: Bolivar Peninsula, a narrow strip of land separating Galveston Bay from the Gulf of Mexico.

From the Galveston Daily News: more than 30,000 evacuees are still in public shelters, and 2 million people in Texas don't have electricity. Some major highways remain underwater. Said the city manager: "Galveston can no longer safely accommodate its population."

On a personal note, the commish's niece lives a little north of Beaumont. She went several hours inland to ride out the storm and is back in Mississippi with her parents for a few days until power is back up and schools reopen. Her house made it through OK.

the brady crunch

We all expected the Cavalry to be 0-2 at this juncture, but Your Original Champions? It will be a testimony to their managerial prowess if they climb back into the playoff picture. The first order of business: knocking off the undefeated Dirty Sanchez this coming weekend.

LT -- WTF?

Through two games, No. 1 pick LaDainian Tomlinson (Montana) has amassed 5 points, or fewer than such household names as Jason McKie, Pierre Thomas and Casey Fitzsimmons.

from the 'if only' files

* Shiners 78, Winehausfrau 74 -- Winehaus would have won if only she had started Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart. (Who's running that team, anyway?)

overwhelmed by obama-mccain ads?

Then go to this eye-opening site -- it has a ton of presidential TV ads from 1952 to the present.

Click here to get to it.

There's one ad in particular you have to see -- probably the most famous one of them all. Go to the year 1964 and from the row that says "Democrat," click on "Peace Little Girl (Daisy)" -- it's the second one over.

It only aired once -- you'll see why.

And to read more -- a lot more -- about the ad and the climate in which it was created, click here .

and going into the bottom of the 6th, it's ...

The final score from Saturday's Auburn-Mississippi State football game:

3-2, Auburn.

bullish on the future

On the news that Merrill Lynch is to be sold to Bank of America, here's a now-ironic commercial. Click here .

speaking of the economy ...

For a detailed (and seemingly nonpartisan) look at the tax plans of Obama and McCain, go here .

Please address any related questions to the Weapons of Pass Destruction and Taxmen owners, who are the acknowledged economic authorities for the league.

the girl in the band

From the 2nd football game of the season, before it started raining so hard the band couldn't even play at halftime.

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to err is divine (or something like that)

The commish is off to a rough start this year:

* Looks like I finally got Ian set up on the site. (Not to worry, Ian, you're tied for first place.)

* When inputting the rosters I assigned somebody named Derrick Doyle to the Shiners instead of Donald Driver (must be all those D's). The Taxmen picked up and started Driver, but fortunately his single point was not the difference-maker in the Taxmen's narrow win over Weapons of Pass Destruction. Mr. Driver has now been returned to the Shiners' roster.

What can I say? Even veterans make rookie mistakes. Remind me not to skip training camp next year.

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they didn't do this to kareem abdul-jabbar

Bengals WR Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. However, he can't yet wear Ocho Cinco on his jersey -- not because of the NFL, but because of Reebok, which has the final say because they're the ones making all the money on jersey sales.

favorite sons

John McCain is the fourth person from Arizona to seek the presidency. The others:

* Bruce Babbitt (1988)

* Mo Udall (1976)

* and, most famously, Barry Goldwater (1964), who lost in a landslide to Lyndon Johnson (taking only 6 states) but is credited with helping spark the resurgence of American conservatism. His most famous quote, said during his acceptance speech at the GOP convention: "Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And let me also remind you that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue."

week 1 leaders

QB Donovan McNabb, 19 points (Steel Curtain)

RB Willie Parker, 24 (Steel Curtain)

WR Hines Ward, 15 (Your Original Champions)

K John Kasay, 15 (free agent)

D Bears, 17 (Babs)

week 1 no-shows

among the many players registering 0 points (not necessarily due to injury or suspension):

QB Carson Palmer (Flaming Chickens)

RB Rudi Johnson (Taxmen)

RB Deuce McAllister (Weapons of Pass Destruction)

WR Torry Holt (Weapons of Pass Destruction)

WR Braylon Edwards (9th Mississippi Cavalry)

out for the year (sure to be updated)

* Patriots QB Tom Brady (Your Original Champions)

* Seahawks WR Nate Burleson (Catastrophic Success)

there's a method to their management

The commish would never second-guess the lineup decisions by a reigning and former champion (their track record speaks for itself), but he did wish to point out the following:

* Your Original Champions started Tatum Bell in the backfield, notwithstanding the fact that Mr. Bell had been waived by the Lions and has yet to catch on with another team. Had YOC played either of the RBs on his bench, he would have beaten the Flaming Chickens instead of losing by a point.

* Weapons of Pass Destruction waited until after the Thursday night game to set a lineup, thereby making it impossible to start the Giants' Plaxico Burress. If the commish is recalling correctly, WPD said he regretted drafting Mr. Burress in the first place. Next stop for the recipient of the Super Bowl-winning touchdown pass: the trading block?

name change alert (cont'd)

mrs. commish has said farewell to the clash and gone elsewhere for her musical inspiration. meet the beguiling young lass who is now the face of the franchise:

this, of course, is amy winehouse, that train wreck of a chanteuse.
the new team name is WINEHAUSFRAU.

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hurricane gustav

biloxi, mississippi

now that's the way to spend your holiday

from the transaction wire:

9/1 -- Taxmen sign K. Warner QB and drop K. Curtis WR

9/1 -- Shiners sign R. Longwell K and drop R. Gould K