all hail the taxmen (again)

For the second time in four years, the Taxmen stand alone at the top of the fantasy heap. No doubt they'll be celebrating in championship style in Costa Rica.

jihad of the ipods

Don't forget -- bring your best tunes for a holiday smackdown.

dirty sanchez will win the championship because ...

... it's just their year. The Sanchez's big four -- Romo, Turner, Williams and Johnston -- always seem to find a way to get the job done, and why should the title game be any different?

taxmen will win the championship because ...

... it's all about matchups, and Taxmen has some good ones -- New Orleans QB Drew Brees and WR Marques Colston vs. the winless Lions, to start with.

that's why they call me mr. sensitive

On the news that Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson needs a heart transplant, the Commish suggested that the Panthers' new rallying cry be WIN ONE FOR THE TICKER.

Mrs. Commish thought it was hilarious, but strangely, some of the Commish's co-workers did not.

as i was saying last week ...

... Two big, big games on the NFL schedule this week, Pittsburgh-Tennessee and Carolina-N.Y. Giants. With Tennessee and the Giants both losing this weekend, these games could decide home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

finals are set

It will be the undefeated and top seed Dirty Sanchez against the division-winning Taxmen. Look for a championship game analysis in the next day or two.

and when the big ball drops in new york, we'll all ring in 1983

TV alert for Deep Creek: Lionel Richie will perform as part of "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve."

1-2 punch

Dirty Sanchez go into the semis with the top 2 running backs in our league (DeAngelo Williams and Michael Turner), while the Taxmen have the top 2 quarterbacks (Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers).

looking ahead to week 16

Not just because it's fantasy finals weekend, but because of the big games on the real NFL schedule: Pittsburgh at Tennessee, and Carolina at N.Y. Giants. Unfortunately, you will hear the words "in what could be a preview of the conference championship" more than you probably care to.

thursday game

New Orleans at Chicago

what went right (in 10 words or less)

* Weapons -- Better off without Toxico Burress.

* Montana -- LT, a true pro, comes through when needed.

what went wrong (in 10 words or less)

* Shiners -- Receivers did their part; running backs not so much.

* Cavalry -- Coles and Moss MIA; team now DOA.

semifinals are set

* Taxmen vs. Weapons

* Dirty Sanchez vs. Montana

wonder what he would say now?

"The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA."

-- Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas), "Wall Street" (1987)

loaded

And no, we're not talking about Plaxico Burress' gun. We're talking about certain teams at certain positions as we move into the postseason:

Taxmen -- top 2 quarterbacks in points (Brees, Rodgers)

Dirty Sanchez -- 2 of top 3 running backs (Turner, Williams, with Portis #9 for good measure)

Shiners -- 3 of top 5 wide receivers (Johnson, Jennings, White)

playoffs

No. 1 seed -- Dirty Sanchez -- first-round bye
No. 2 seed -- Taxmen -- first-round bye
No. 3 vs. No. 6 -- Shiners vs. Weapons (winner plays Taxmen)
No. 4 vs. No. 5 -- Cavalry vs. Montana (winner plays Dirty Sanchez)

you have to love any owner ...

... who keeps making roster moves even after their team misses the playoffs. Catastrophic Success, we salute you.

a great story in my very own newspaper

The short version: Rich parents go school-shopping (and buy a second home worth nearly $740,000) so their high schooler can have a better chance of being the starting quarterback.

To read main story, click here .
To read sidebar, click here .

the language of presidents

From 2007 -- then-candidate Obama, talking about his dislike of debates:

"So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I f–––ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective'."

what went wrong? (in 10 words or less)

* Babs: Wide receivers never caught fire.

* Catastrophic Success: Mad scientist kept mixing chemicals until lab blew up.

* Flaming Chickens: Ocho Stinko.

* Steel Curtain: Done in by Donovan.

* Winehausfrau: Fine, owner can run her own team then.

* Your Original Champions: Lost Tom Brady. Lost all interest.

thursday games

Three of them this week:

* Tennessee at Detroit

* Seattle at Dallas

* Arizona at Philadelphia

week 12

We now have our playoff teams, but the last week of the regular season will determine who plays who. If 2 or more teams end up with the same record, total points scored will be the tiebreaker for seeding purposes.

Brash Upstarts Division -- It will be Dirty Sanchez, Shiners and Montana.

Wily Veterans Division -- Taxmen, Cavalry and Weapons.

* No. 1 seed (Dirty Sanchez) -- first-round bye
* No. 2 seed (division champ) -- first-round bye
* No. 3 seed vs. No. 6 seed -- winner plays #2 seed
* No. 4 seed vs. No. 5 seed -- winner plays #1 seed

pittsburgh, 1960

Google is putting the archives of Life magazine online. Click here to start your search. The caption for this photo says "Pittsburgh Pirate fans atop the University's Cathedral of Learning looking down at Forbes Field and celebrating winning World Series."

a bar bet just waiting to happen

The word "boycott" originated with a real person: Capt. Charles C. Boycott, a land agent in Ireland who in the late 1800s was ostracized for his refusal to reduce rents. It's an example of an eponym, a word that derives from an individual's name. Some other examples: sandwich, sideburns, quisling, maverick, guillotine, bloomers, bougainvillea, leotard and guppy.

spare change

With "change" being the running theme of the presidential campaign, here are some songs for you iPod'ers out there:

* A Change is Gonna Come -- Sam Cooke

* A Change (Would Do You Good) -- Sheryl Crow

* Changes -- David Bowie

* Changes in Latitudes Changes in Attitudes -- Jimmy Buffett

* Change Partners -- Stephen Stills

* Cool Change -- Little River Band

* Money Changes Everything -- Cyndi Lauper

* The Times They Are A-Changing -- Bob Dylan

* There'll Be Some Changes Made -- Billie Holliday or Ethel Waters or Tony Bennett

* You Can't Change That -- Raydio

another thursday game

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh. Set your rosters accordingly. (A quick check shows 8 Steelers and 3 Bengals on various rosters.)

so, commish, how's that trade working out for you?

Couldn't be happier. Thanks for asking.

Total points the commish traded for: 8.

Total points the commish traded away: 22.

she wuz robbed

Steel Curtain's 4-point loss to Montana would have been a 3-point victory had the refs not overturned the last-play defensive touchdown in the Steelers-Chargers game. The refs admitted they blew the call.

The play was costly in other ways: Las Vegas bookies figure that millions of dollars were lost by people who bet on the Steelers to cover the 5-point spread.

 

tying? there's no tying in football

Flaming Chickens and Cat Success played to a 35-35 standstill. By league rules, the team with the most bench points wins. Advantage, Flaming Chickens.

This serves as a good reminder to everyone to make sure they have 6 players on the bench and no more. (Not to kick Steel Curtain when they're down, but they need to drop one from their bench.)

wily veterans, week 11

For the first time since the first week of the season, the Taxmen are not in first place. Weapons takes over the top spot, with Taxmen-Cavalry-Cat Success-Steel Curtain still to be sorted out. Division game of the week: Taxmen vs. Weapons.

 

brash upstarts, week 11

Dirty Sanchez rolls along and has wrapped up the No. 1 seed in the playoffs. Shiners (with the most points in the league) close in on a playoff spot, while this week's Montana-Winehausfrau tilt looms large.

trade winds

Not that this would apply to anyone but the overzealous commish, but let's make the trading deadline a week from today -- Thursday, November 20.

what might have been

The New York Times asked several people what they would miss about President Bush. Here's the best response, reprinted in full:

I feel nostalgic about the person I knew as Gov. George W. Bush. I miss that guy. He was the best politician I ever saw. He really was ''a uniter, not a divider.'' He refused to kowtow to the far right. He worked with Democrats to strengthen public education, while Republicans were pushing vouchers. He had four vacancies on the Texas Supreme Court and he filled them all with centrist judges. The extreme right wing of the Republican Party was his enemy, not his ally. His administration was untainted by scandal. Karl Rove remained an outside consultant rather than a gubernatorial staffer.

But when he reached the White House, Governor Bush vanished, to be replaced by President George W. Bush -- a person I didn't recognize. He was never to return.

-- PAUL BURKA, senior executive editor of Texas Monthly

wily veterans, week 10

All of a sudden there's a race -- Taxmen, Cavalry and Weapons tied for first place (though Taxmen are still ahead in the points-scored tiebreaker), with Cat Success just a game back. Remember, only 3 teams from each division go to the playoffs.

brash upstarts, week 10

Dirty Sanchez, still undefeated after beating Taxmen in a battle of first-place teams. Shiners edge closer to the playoffs, while Winehausfrau and Montana sit tied with just 3 weeks to go.

the weeks to come

For those of you who might actuallly take the time to plot out the coming weeks (especially if you're looking to the playoffs or you may be thinking of making a trade), click here and scroll down to see all the NFL teams' remaining schedules.

this week

bye weeks are all done.

there's a thursday game -- jets and patriots. check your roster accordingly.

things to watch on your computer when you don't feel like working

Time magazine's top 10 videos from the campaign. Click here .

mark your calendar

Monday, January 19, 2009 is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

The next day, Barack Obama will be sworn in as president.

election day

The commish did his part for democracy by a) voting and b) running the newsroom election pool.

early voting

Here in North Carolina, 2.5 million people voted early. That's a whopping 41 percent of registered voters, and just about as many as the total number of voters in the 1996 presidential election. (It will be interesting to see if that has skewed the pre-election polls, most of which say N.C. is too close to call.)

for what it's worth ...

Former White House consigliere Karl Rove is predicting it will be Obama, 338 electoral votes to 200.

best election quote ever

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN ... THE BASTARDS.

-- Dick Tuck, 1964, after losing a race for the California state Senate.

bye weeks - week 10

Cincinnati, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Washington

thursday game this week

Denver vs. Cleveland, so check your rosters early.

wily veterans, week 9

Suddenly, it's a race. The Taxmen's lead over Cat Success, Weapons and the Cavalry is down to a single game, with Steel Curtain just a game back of them. Taxmen also get Dirty Sanchez this weekend in a matchup of first-place teams. 

brash upstarts, week 9

Congratulations to Dirty Sanchez, still undefeated and the first to secure a playoff spot. The other two spots in this division are still up for grabs, with Montana and the Shiners leading the way. (FYI, Louis has been advised that he has a couple of days to get his roster down to 14, or else the commish will go in and do it for him.)

magazine covers from the campaign

Click here to see a lot more of them.

somehow i'm not surprised

A newspaper trade magazine surveyed college papers for their presidential endorsements. Of the 64 responses, 63 backed obama. The one that backed McCain: the University of Mississippi.

charles barkley, already honing his populist message

From a CNN interview with the Alabama native and former NBA player:

Brown: So are you going to run for governor?
Barkley: I plan on it in 2014.
Brown: You are serious.
Barkley: I am, I can't screw up Alabama.
Brown: There is no place to go but up in your view?
Barkley: We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere.

the death of pundits? we should be so lucky

"If the mainstream media are wrong about Obama and the voters pull a Truman, that is going to be the end of whatever shred of credibility they have left." -- Tobe Berkovitz, associate dean of Boston University's College of Communication.

why is mccain losing in pennsylvania?

For one person's opinion, click here .

no comment (but the Catastrophic Success owner is sure to have one)

There's talk that the San Francisco 49ers are interested in bringing Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice aboard as team president.

wily veterans, week 8

Top 4 teams in division -- Taxmen, Weapons, Cat Success and Cavalry -- all emerge victorious as they scramble for playoff spots. A tough couple of weeks for Steel Curtain, losing by 1 point and then 2. Big game looks to be Weapons vs. Dirty Sanchez -- Weapons may be scrambling for running backs, in between bouts of self-loathing for taking on the headache known as Plaxico Burress.

brash upstarts, week 8

Three games up with five to go -- that's where Dirty Sanchez finds himself, on the cusp of a playoff spot. Montana keeps pace, squeaking out a win despite a tough day at the office for Roethlisberger. Flaming Chickens, losers of 5 in a row, have almost flamed out.

points don't matter (except when they do)

Highest scoring team in the NFL: San Diego. Record: 3-5.

Next highest scoring team: New Orleans. Record: 4-4.

Highest scoring team in the Ebner League: Taxmen. Record: 6-2.

Next highest scoring team: Shiners. Record: 4-4.

Next highest scoring team: Dirty Sanchez. Record: 8-0.

bye weeks - week 9

Carolina, New Orleans, San Diego, San Francisco

playoffs? you kidding me? playoffs?

With eight games (almost) in the books, it's time to look ahead to the playoffs. They begin in week 14, the first weekend in December. Here's how they'll play out:

There will be 6 playoff teams, 3 from each division. The four wild-card teams will be seeded based on overall record, then total points scored.

* No. 1 seed (division champ) -- first-round bye

* No. 2 seed (division champ) -- first-round bye

* No. 3 seed vs. No. 6 seed -- winner plays #2 seed

* No. 4 seed vs. No. 5 seed -- winner plays #1 seed

Speaking of playoffs, you can see the full version of the classic Jim Mora playoffs rant here . 

why you just shouldn't talk politics with some people

Excerpts from an e-mail the commish received from an old friend when the subject turned to the presidential election:

"What do you think qualifies him "experience wise" for the Commander In Cheif. I do not want a "dictator" or Socialist government. ... I think it is scary how Obama is treated like the second coming of the Messiah though, it's interesting how so many people are all mesmerized. ... Given his affiliations, his pastor (really scary), his commentary on wearing the American flag pin, ACORN, his birth certificate (still not clear on that one) these issues alone ought to secure a vote for the other side. ... Yeah, like you can just sit down with terrorists leaders and drink organic tea and just talk through it. We need somebody with experience to defend our country in the next few terms especially with Russia "warming" up their engines. This past week when CommieCastro and the dictator of Libya "endorsed" Obama, that should make one shudder and wonder why they would come forward. "

bye weeks - week 8

Chicago, Denver, Green Bay, Minnesota

it's fun to play the YOC, eh?

Congrats to Your Original Champions, who notched their first win of the season despite getting a combined 0 points from Marvin Harrison, Jerricho Cotchery and the Broncos defense. It was still enough against Babs, who had to endure one of those ugly games that Brett Favre throws in every so often.

brash upstarts, week 7

No Romo, no problemo for Dirty Sanchez, who continues his undefeated ways. Shiners, Winehaus, Montana all move to 4-3 on the season, with the Shiners beating Steel Curtain by the narrowest of margins (and their benches had the same number of points as well -- the commish is glad it didn't come down to the second tiebreaker, because I don't even think there is one.)

wily veterans, week 7

Losses by the Taxmen and Weapons of PD tighten the division race. Taxmen get next to nothing from the Drew Brees-Marques Colston connection as the Saints are throttled by the Panthers (didn't see that coming). Meanwhile, Weapons (like the Chiefs) fall victim to the rushing attack of the Titans, with LenDale White coming up big in Montana's win.

r.i.p. levi stubbs

It took a little searching to find a Four Tops TV performance from the mid-'60s that wasn't lip-synched, but you can watch one here . That's Stubbs at lower right.

you betcha!

If you missed Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live," you can see the two skits here . They're pretty good.

who said disco is dead?

At 103 beats per minute, the Bee Gees' song "Stayin' Alive" has almost the perfect rhythm to help jump-start a stopped heart. In a study from the University of Illinois medical school, doctors and students maintained close to the ideal number of chest compressions doing CPR while listening to the tune from the 1977 movie "Saturday Night Fever." The American Heart Association recommends 100 chest compressions per minute.

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pictures of history

Vanity Fair magazine has put together a list of the top 25 news photos of all time. You can see them all here .

battleground carolina

The latest polls indicate North Carolina could go either way in the presidential race. The last time N.C. went Democratic? 1976, Jimmy Carter.

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maybe this will slow down the louis express

Looks like Cowboys QB Tony Romo has a broken finger and will miss a month or so.

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in case catastrophic success is looking for a new name with the change in administration

A Scottish historian on his country's financial turmoil:

"The government was very wrong to have so few controls on the financial excesses of the banks and to allow this lunatic adventurism that existed in the financial sector in the past."

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i can't do what 10 people tell me to do, so i guess i'll remain the same

Otis Redding was the first artist of the rock era to have a No. 1 hit after he died -- 1968's "(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay." He was to be followed by Janis Joplin, Jim Croce, John Lennon and some rappers the commish has barely ever heard of.

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yeah, i can't figure out why he's winless either

Your Original Champions lost a close game with Catastrophic Success. The outcome might have been different had YOC not lined up 6 players against Cat Success' 8. If I might have a word with YOC: STOP STARTING STEVE CHRISTIE. HE HAS RETIRED FROM FOOTBALL.

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e-mail making the rounds

If you had bought $1,000 of AIG stock one year ago, you would have $42 left. With Lehman Brothers, you would have $6.60 left. With Fannie or Freddie, you would have less than $5 left.

BUT, if you had bought $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have had $214.

Based on that, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

(Courtesy of a Wachovia employee)

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they may be titans of industry, but they flunked public perception 101

AIG executives spent $440,000 on a retreat at a posh resort a week after the federal government’s $85 billion bailout of the insurer. Manicures were among the expenses. The reasons for this: Top execs wanted their hands to look their best, a) while holding them out for taxpayer money, and b) while holding them up before testifying before Congress.

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friends don't let friends type drunk

Users of Gmail, Google's e-mail system, can now activate a new feature called Mail Goggles. It requires an e-mailer to solve a few easy math problems before hitting the "send" button (thereby avoiding those late-night, alcohol-induced messages that you wake up and regret). The name is derived from the term "beer goggles", used to describe the distorting effect of alcohol on one's perception of members of the opposite sex.

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it all adds up

The National Debt Clock has run out of digits. The electronic billboard hit its limit after U.S. public debt rose above the $10 trillion mark for the first time on Sept. 30. As a temporary fix the dollar sign has been switched to a figure--the '1' in $10 trillion. The clock is currently marking the U.S. federal government’s national debt at about $10.2 trillion. The clock, located in Times Square in New York, shows the amount of money owed by the U.S. government. It was created by the late Manhattan real estate developer Seymour Durst, who put the sign up in 1989 to call attention to what was then a $2.7 trillion debt.

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bye weeks -- week 6

buffalo, kansas city, pittsburgh, tennessee

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in a nutshell

debate prep

* Number of people who watched the first McCain-Obama debate: 52 million
* Number of people who watched the Biden-Palin debate: 73 million
* Number of people who watched the "Seinfeld" finale: 76 million

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it's not the same as being one of the top CFOs in town, but still

Mrs. Commish is the top-ranked women's doubles player for her division in the entire state (and the No. 3 mixed doubles player). See what you can accomplish when you don't have to work for a living?

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divisions at a glance

In the Wily Veterans division, the Taxmen suffer their first defeat of the year, shaving their lead over Weapons to a single game. Behind them are four teams tied for third.

Over in the Brash Upstarts division, Dirty Sanchez opens up a two-game lead over the Shiners and Montana. Your Original Champions still looking for first win (the loss of Tom Brady aside, it would help matters considerably if YOC would play a kicker who's actually playing).

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student-athletes? how quaint

A tip of the hat to Vanderbilt football, undefeated and ranked in the top 15. Five years ago, the president disbanded the athletic department and eliminated the post of athletic director. All those activities were folded into the division of student life. The result? More athletic success, less segregation between jocks and other students, and higher GPAs among athletes.

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some things never change

last monday at the observer: wachovia sold, bailout bill vote on capitol hill

friday at the observer: wachovia sold, bailout bill vote on capitol hill

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headlines you won't be seeing in my newspaper ...

... as we brainstorm ideas for a story on "spiritual advice to people worried about the economy" ...

* BANK ON GOD
* PRAY AS YOU GO
* GOD DAMN IT!
* THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR
* SEARCH YOUR SOUL ... MAYBE THERE'S SOME LOOSE CHANGE IN THERE
* SURE HE CAN TURN WATER INTO WINE, BUT CAN HE RENEGOTIATE MY MORTGAGE?

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if you're at a super bowl party with the weapons of pass destruction owner, and the band breaks into "rosalita," take cover. you've been warned.

Bruce Springsteen will perform at halftime of the Super Bowl.

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forget the economy; how's my fantasy team doing?

Taxmen and Dirty Sanchez remain undefeated. Montana is the only other team with a winning record. Cavalry finally gets a win. Your Original Champions still looking for that elusive first victory.

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to sum up

house votes against s'mores!

From the bailout debate:

* "Madam Speaker, this is is a huge cow patty with a piece of marshmallow stuck in the middle of it, and I'm not going to eat that patty." -- Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga.

* "A crap sandwich" -- Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio, describing the bailout bill. (The best thing about this phrase is that it translates into any language. This is from Sweden: Den republikanske minoritetsledaren John Boehner kallade, enligt webbsajten Politico.com, krispaketet för en "crap sandwich" (fritt översatt: "skitsmörgås") när han informerade sina partikamrater om innehållet natten till måndagen - dock rekommenderade han dem att rösta ja till förslaget.)

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slow starters

The score after one quarter of the Jets' 56-35 win over the Cardinals: 0-0.

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play me or trade me

Notable benchings over the weekend:

* RB Larry Johnson (Babs) -- 20 points
* QB Drew Brees (Taxmen) -- 18
* RB Edgerrin James (Cavalry) -- 16
* RB Chris Johnson (Cat Success) -- 15
* RB Steven Jackson (Winehausfrau) -- 14
* QB Jason Campbell (Flaming Chickens) -- 12 (particularly painful since Carson Palmer did not play at all)

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paul newman, r.i.p.

Among the movies you should make it a point to see:

* The Hustler
* Cool Hand Luke
* Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
* The Sting
* The Towering Inferno (guilty pleasure)
* Slap Shot
* The Verdict
* Nobody's Fool

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1973: when men were men and gas was all but unavailable

The Charlotte area is in the last throes of a temporary gas shortage caused by a disruption in supplies owing to Hurricane Ike. Result: the usual mayhem and hysteria.

FYI: During the oil crisis of 1973-74, the national speed limit was lowered to 55 miles per hour and year-round daylight saving time was instituted.

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and they laughed when babs took him that high

Brett Favre's 6 TD passes vaulted him to the top spot among QBs in our league.

Incidentally, the record for TD passes in a game is 7, most recently by Joe Kapp in 1969.

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week 5 bye weeks

Not playing this weekend: Jets, Oakland, St. Louis, Cleveland

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Harrison, get in there! ... Harrison ... where's Harrison?

In what may be a first for the league, Your Original Champion's bench was made up entirely of players on bye weeks.

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economic accountability as practiced in india

A mob of sacked workers bludgeoned to death the CEO who had presided over layofffs at a car-parts factory in a suburb of Delhi.

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hmm ... Metallica or the Stooges ... what do you think, Rege Sr.?

Latest candidates for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (five will be inducted):

Jeff Beck

Chic

Wanda Jackson

Little Anthony and the Imperials

Metallica

Run D.M.C.

The Stooges

War

Bobby Womack

week 4 bye weeks

Detroit, Indianapolis, Miami, N.Y. Giants, Seattle, New England.

the wheat, the chaff, the outcomes

Games between the haves and the have-nots ended predictably:

* Dirty Sanchez 60, Your Original Champions 38 -- the Falcons' Michael Turner is quickly turning into a beast for DS, leading all running backs in points.

* Taxmen 71, Cavalry 36 -- no contest, and thus no comment.

always run spellcheck. always.

hit somebody, would ya?

The Carolina Panthers' record without standout wide receiver and noted sucker-puncher Steve Smith: 2-0.
The Panthers' record with him: 0-1.

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oh, snap!

In the Dolphins' 38-13 pasting of the Patriots, the Dolphins dusted off an old high school play: 6 times they snapped the ball directly to RB Ronnie Brown. The result: 4 touchdowns (3 rushing, 1 passing).

Brown, wisely started by the Flaming Chickens, finished the day with 5 TDs and 34 fantasy points.

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it still doesn't excuse him for drafting jeff garcia and matt leinart

The Weapons of Pass Destruction owner is one of 5 finalists for CFO of the year among all public companies in Pittsburgh.

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show your love for Sarah Palin

Clicking here will take you to a Sarah Palin Web site.

Then click on "Visit the VPILF Store" at the top.

If you don't know what VPILF means, ask around.

the commish gets on his soapbox (one in a continuing series)

Before this "fact" becomes ingrained in the public consciousness, let the commish just say for the record that John McCain did NOT claim to have invented the BlackBerry. Nor did Al Gore claim to have invented the Internet.

When asked Tuesday about McCain's expertise on financial markets and matters, his chief economic adviser held up a BlackBerry and said, and I quote: "He did this. Telecommunications of the United States is a premier innovation in the past 15 years -- comes right through the Commerce Committee -- so you're looking at the miracle John McCain helped create, and that's what he did."

Now as to Gore. Here is what he said in 1999, and I quote: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system." (For more on this, click here .)

By now you may be asking yourself, "Why are you ranting at us, commish?" Here's why -- while neither of these are shining examples of well-chosen words, there are so many serious issues facing this country that talking about who "invented" what is a completely needless distraction. Furthermore, given the commish's livelihood, it galls him to no end to see some members of the media play along in keeping such half-truths going.

End of tirade.

trade winds a-blowing

Not content to stand pat in their undefeated season, the Taxmen traded QB Kurt Warner to the struggling Cavalry for RB Matt Forte.

hurricane ike: the aftermath

Before and after: Bolivar Peninsula, a narrow strip of land separating Galveston Bay from the Gulf of Mexico.

From the Galveston Daily News: more than 30,000 evacuees are still in public shelters, and 2 million people in Texas don't have electricity. Some major highways remain underwater. Said the city manager: "Galveston can no longer safely accommodate its population."

On a personal note, the commish's niece lives a little north of Beaumont. She went several hours inland to ride out the storm and is back in Mississippi with her parents for a few days until power is back up and schools reopen. Her house made it through OK.

the brady crunch

We all expected the Cavalry to be 0-2 at this juncture, but Your Original Champions? It will be a testimony to their managerial prowess if they climb back into the playoff picture. The first order of business: knocking off the undefeated Dirty Sanchez this coming weekend.

LT -- WTF?

Through two games, No. 1 pick LaDainian Tomlinson (Montana) has amassed 5 points, or fewer than such household names as Jason McKie, Pierre Thomas and Casey Fitzsimmons.

from the 'if only' files

* Shiners 78, Winehausfrau 74 -- Winehaus would have won if only she had started Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart. (Who's running that team, anyway?)

overwhelmed by obama-mccain ads?

Then go to this eye-opening site -- it has a ton of presidential TV ads from 1952 to the present.

Click here to get to it.

There's one ad in particular you have to see -- probably the most famous one of them all. Go to the year 1964 and from the row that says "Democrat," click on "Peace Little Girl (Daisy)" -- it's the second one over.

It only aired once -- you'll see why.

And to read more -- a lot more -- about the ad and the climate in which it was created, click here .

and going into the bottom of the 6th, it's ...

The final score from Saturday's Auburn-Mississippi State football game:

3-2, Auburn.

bullish on the future

On the news that Merrill Lynch is to be sold to Bank of America, here's a now-ironic commercial. Click here .

speaking of the economy ...

For a detailed (and seemingly nonpartisan) look at the tax plans of Obama and McCain, go here .

Please address any related questions to the Weapons of Pass Destruction and Taxmen owners, who are the acknowledged economic authorities for the league.

the girl in the band

From the 2nd football game of the season, before it started raining so hard the band couldn't even play at halftime.

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to err is divine (or something like that)

The commish is off to a rough start this year:

* Looks like I finally got Ian set up on the site. (Not to worry, Ian, you're tied for first place.)

* When inputting the rosters I assigned somebody named Derrick Doyle to the Shiners instead of Donald Driver (must be all those D's). The Taxmen picked up and started Driver, but fortunately his single point was not the difference-maker in the Taxmen's narrow win over Weapons of Pass Destruction. Mr. Driver has now been returned to the Shiners' roster.

What can I say? Even veterans make rookie mistakes. Remind me not to skip training camp next year.

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they didn't do this to kareem abdul-jabbar

Bengals WR Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. However, he can't yet wear Ocho Cinco on his jersey -- not because of the NFL, but because of Reebok, which has the final say because they're the ones making all the money on jersey sales.

favorite sons

John McCain is the fourth person from Arizona to seek the presidency. The others:

* Bruce Babbitt (1988)

* Mo Udall (1976)

* and, most famously, Barry Goldwater (1964), who lost in a landslide to Lyndon Johnson (taking only 6 states) but is credited with helping spark the resurgence of American conservatism. His most famous quote, said during his acceptance speech at the GOP convention: "Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And let me also remind you that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue."

week 1 leaders

QB Donovan McNabb, 19 points (Steel Curtain)

RB Willie Parker, 24 (Steel Curtain)

WR Hines Ward, 15 (Your Original Champions)

K John Kasay, 15 (free agent)

D Bears, 17 (Babs)

week 1 no-shows

among the many players registering 0 points (not necessarily due to injury or suspension):

QB Carson Palmer (Flaming Chickens)

RB Rudi Johnson (Taxmen)

RB Deuce McAllister (Weapons of Pass Destruction)

WR Torry Holt (Weapons of Pass Destruction)

WR Braylon Edwards (9th Mississippi Cavalry)

out for the year (sure to be updated)

* Patriots QB Tom Brady (Your Original Champions)

* Seahawks WR Nate Burleson (Catastrophic Success)

there's a method to their management

The commish would never second-guess the lineup decisions by a reigning and former champion (their track record speaks for itself), but he did wish to point out the following:

* Your Original Champions started Tatum Bell in the backfield, notwithstanding the fact that Mr. Bell had been waived by the Lions and has yet to catch on with another team. Had YOC played either of the RBs on his bench, he would have beaten the Flaming Chickens instead of losing by a point.

* Weapons of Pass Destruction waited until after the Thursday night game to set a lineup, thereby making it impossible to start the Giants' Plaxico Burress. If the commish is recalling correctly, WPD said he regretted drafting Mr. Burress in the first place. Next stop for the recipient of the Super Bowl-winning touchdown pass: the trading block?

name change alert (cont'd)

mrs. commish has said farewell to the clash and gone elsewhere for her musical inspiration. meet the beguiling young lass who is now the face of the franchise:

this, of course, is amy winehouse, that train wreck of a chanteuse.
the new team name is WINEHAUSFRAU.

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hurricane gustav

biloxi, mississippi

now that's the way to spend your holiday

from the transaction wire:

9/1 -- Taxmen sign K. Warner QB and drop K. Curtis WR

9/1 -- Shiners sign R. Longwell K and drop R. Gould K

name change alert

The owner of the team formerly known as King of the Hill has given her team a rousing new name: Montana. To mark the occasion, we present some of the more memorable Montana-centric dialogue in cinematic history:

"I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck ... maybe even a 'recreational vehicle.' And drive from state to state."

(and, later, his dying words)

"I would like to have seen Montana."

-- Capt. Vasili Borodin (Sam Neill), "The Hunt for Red October"

kickoff is a week away

first game is thursday, september 4 -- redskins @ giants.

looks like everybody has gotten onto the site (with the exception of ian and louis -- teenagers these days).

as far as the commish is concerned, you can start adding and dropping players. (whoops, i now see that the taxmen have beaten me to the green light.)

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happy birthday to my tennis mama

June 2008 --- North Carolina state champions

and awaaaay we go!* ...

The ever-vigilant owner of the Catastrophic Success franchise is first out of the blocks and has already assembled a full and formidable lineup as he counts the days until his opening-weekend game with the Steel Curtain.





* for those of you in the Brash Upstarts division, that's a reference to what Jackie Gleason used to say to kick off his variety show. Here's the Great One with Arnold Palmer.

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father-daughter music moment

so i was taking evie and two other girls to band camp this morning, and i asked them what songs they played during football games. one of them mentioned "tear the roof off the sucker" (the "give up the funk" song). so naturally i grabbed my "best of parliament" CD (which is never far from my grasp), slapped on the shades, cranked up the volume and cruised the suburbs of south charlotte, telling the girls that you gotta get in the proper frame of mind if you're gonna take on that song. the girls were either: a) impressed that evie's dad had the song at the ready, or b) traumatized that maybe the song isn't quite as cool as they
had thought, since evie's dad digs it.

click here for a youtube version, if y'all can tear yourselves away from bread and the carpenters long enough to give a listen.

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division setup

here's where the commish is leaning regarding divisions. it divides the ebner football clan into two camps: those over 45, and those under (this also allows the commish to take advantage of a narrow window and let mrs. commish remain a part of the younger generation for a little while longer). if there are no objections (but especially if there are), we'll go with this.

WILY VETERANS DIVISION
* rege sr.
* trent
* laurie
* neil
* rege jr.
* babs

BRASH UPSTARTS DIVISION
* sherrie
* pam
* kevin
* diane
* ian
* louis

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i may not be ready for the draft, but i'm ready for this

no comment

The Green Bay Packers have hired former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer for a few weeks to help the team with PR/crisis management.

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thought for the day

"When people aren't asking questions
They're making suggestions
And when they're not doing one of those
They're either looking over your shoulder or stepping on your toes
And then as if that weren't enough to annoy you
They employ you."

--Ogden Nash, "More About People"

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injury report (of sorts)

Panthers WR Steve Smith will miss the first two regular-season games. He punched out teammate Ken Lucas during practice Friday, breaking Lucas' nose and earning Smith a two-game suspension.

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thoughts on division setups?

last year it was the former champs in one division and the non-champs in the other. and with louis poised to rejoin us this year, we should be back to 12 teams.

suggestions welcome.

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if anybody drafts this guy ...

... that owner can, before the draft is over, reverse their decision, drop his sorry butt and immediately choose another QB to take his place.

the commish will not only allow it, will not only encourage it, but may actually demand it.

the draft is 14 rounds

and you'll be starting fresh -- no keeping anyone from last year's roster. you'll be drafting a starting lineup of eight players (QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, WR, K, Defense) along with six for the bench.

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