playoff semifinals

Cat Success vs. Taxmen.

Winehausfrau vs. Cavalry.

Good luck to all (especially moi).

Remember, there's a Thursday and a Saturday game this week.

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playoffs are set

#1 seed -- Catastrophic Success

#2 seed -- Winehausfrau

#3 seed -- 9th Mississippi Cavalry

#4 seed -- Taxmen

#5 seed -- Shiners

#6 seed -- Steel Curtain

Week one:

Cat Success, Winehausfrau have byes.

Cavalry (3) vs. Steel Curtain (6). Winner gets Winehausfrau.

Taxmen (4) vs. Shiners (5). Winner gets Cat Success.

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about that quarterback rating nonsense

If you saw the Monday night game, you heard them go on and on about Drew Brees' perfect passing rating of 158.3. Bet you're wondering what that number means. Here's an equation for it, where C is completions, Y is yards, T is touchdowns, I is interceptions and A is attempts.

You can read more about the history of the passer rating at www.nytimes.com/2004/01/14/sports/pro-football-the-nfl-s-passer-rating-arcane-and-misunderstood.html.

Silly me. I always thought the best measures of a QB were a) making the plays when it matters and b) winning. Especially b).

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the saints and all dat

You won't hear the commish gloating about the Saints' perfect record -- 42 years of mostly putrid play will do that to a person. Besides, the commish married into a family that has a collective 15 Super Bowl rings (Steelers 6, Cowboys 5, Patriots 3, Jets 1). Still, it's somewhat salivating to think about New Orleans hosting a NFC championship game against Brett Favre and the Vikings, and then -- dare we dream? -- a Super Bowl matchup against the Colts and Peyton Manning, New Orleans-born and son of a beloved Saint.

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playoff picture

Just one more regular-season week, and then the playoffs get going. Here's how it'll work:

6 teams in playoffs.

Top two seeds (division winners) get byes.

3 seed plays 6 seed. Winner plays 2 seed.

4 seed plays 5 seed. Winner plays 1 seed.

As things stand right now, the playoff teams would be: Cat Success, Winehaus, Cavalry, Taxmen, Steel Curtain and Weapons. The only other team with a chance to get are the Shiners.

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thursday game this week

Not that anyone's roster is littered with Jets and/or Bills, but just a heads-up that they're playing early.

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standings update

The balance of power is definitely with the Wily Veterans division this year, with 5 of the 6 teams having winning records. Compare that to the Brash Upstarts division, where only Winehausfrau has managed to win more than she's lost.

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trade deadline is Nov. 28

So there's still time to approach Catastrophic Success with an offer, if you're up to dealing with someone who lists their "needs" as none. (Easy to say from their perch atop the Wily Veterans division.)

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playoff update

If I'm remembering right, 6 teams will make the playoffs -- the top 3 in each division, with teams seeded 1 through 6 and the division winners getting a first-round bye. Playoffs start in week 14, just a couple of games from now.

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thursday games

There are 3 of them. Set lineups accordingly:

   * Green Bay at Detroit

   * Oakland at Dallas

  * N.Y. Giants at Denver

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class reunion

Every 5 years, without fail, the Class of '74 from Ocean Springs High School gets together. (The older I get, the rarer I hear this is.) It's been somewhat of a tradition for the commish to write up a little something and share it with classmates. You can read this year's dispatch here.

Best exchange of the whole weekend, Friday night between the commish and a good ol' boy (we hung around together a lot in elementary school and junior high):

  Commish: You coming tomorrow night?

  Friend: Nah.

  Commish: Why not? It'll be fun.

  Friend: It's too deep.

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now that's just a crime

So two guys from western North Carolina were sentenced Monday after pleading guilty to charges of trying to buy, sell or transport a bear. Best line of the story: "Broom is also forbidden from owning a dog of any kind."

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about the Patriots going for it on 4th down ...

... The commish loved the call. NFL coaches are too conservative way too often (punting from the oppponent's 35-yard line, for instance). Yeah, it cost the Pats the game, but it sure made it that much more exciting, didn't it?

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quote of the weekend

"Sorry to my fantasy owners."

-- RB Maurice Jones-Drew of the Jaguars, after he intentionallly took a knee at the 1-year-line late in the Jags-Jets game. He could have waltzed into the end zone, but the Jags were trying to run the clock down to kick a game-winning field goal. (It worked.)

The non-score did not affect the outcome of the Cat Success-Shiners game; Shiners won by 11.

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standings through 10 weeks

The Wily Veterans division is turning into a real horse race -- Cat Success at 7-3, followed by 4 teams at 6-4. Over in the Brash Upstarts division, Winehausfrau is one game up on the fast-charging Shiners. 

Reminder: There's a Thursday game this week (Panthers-Dolphins).

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everybody sing along!

So the Cavalry bugler (aka the commish's daughter, aka the soon-to-be-15-year-old Evangeline Mae Roberts) had a band concert Monday night, during which they played "Colonel Bogey March." You might remember the tune from this:

No, the band didn't whistle. Neither did they sing, though it turns out that during the war, Allied troops added their own words:

Hitler has only got one ball,

Goring has two but very small,

Himmler is somewhat sim'lar,

But poor Goebbels has no balls at all.

Click here for more Nazi-mocking lyrics.

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no comment

ESPN college football TV analyst Bob Griese has been suspended for one game for using a racially insensitive comment toward NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya. 

During the broadcast of Saturday's Minnesota-Ohio State football game and after ESPN ran a promo for last Sunday's race, pictures were displayed of the top five drivers in the Chase for the Sprint Cup standings.

"Where's Juan Pablo Montoya?" announcer Chris Spielman asked of the Colombian-born driver who fell out of the top five last weekend.

"He's out having a taco," Griese replied.

Right before the broadcast went off the air Griese offered an apology. "Juan Pablo Montoya, he's one of the best drivers in NASCAR. Just want to apologize for the comment I made earlier in the ballgame," he said.

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hurtin' all over

Redskins TE Chris Cooley (Winehausfrau) has a broken ankle. Out.
Jets RB Leon Washington (Winehausfrau) has a broken leg. Out.
Eagles RB Brian Westbrook (Shiners) suffered a concussion Monday night. Day to day.
Texans WR Andre Johnson (Cavalry) has a bruised lung. Day to day.

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on the plus side, their owners' teams all won

QB Mark Sanchez (Winehausfrau): -3 points
Giants D (Winehausfrau): -2
Titans D (Montana): -2
RB Lendale White (Taxmen): -1
WR Nate Washington (Steel Curtain): 1 catch, -22 yards, 0 points

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one (more) for the record books

Tom Brady's 6 touchdown passes were one shy of the record, shared by:

* Sid Luckman, Chi. Bears vs. N.Y. Giants, Nov. 14, 1943
* Adrian Burk, Philadelphia vs. Washington, Oct. 17, 1954
* George Blanda, Houston vs. N.Y. Titans, Nov. 19, 1961
* Y.A. Tittle, N.Y. Giants vs. Washington, Oct. 28, 1962
* Joe Kapp, Minnesota vs. Baltimore, Sept. 28, 1969

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a band of hardy souls

The weather in Boone, N.C., last Saturday night, site of the latest band competition for the Cavalry's bugler: high 30s, wind about 20 mph, some snow. Band may be for geeks, but it's not for sissies: their day started at 9 a.m. and ended at midnight.

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unnatural phenomena

After narrow victories, Winehausfrau and the 9th Mississippi Cavalry are leading their respective divisions.

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mind your manners ... always.

Nine months after skidding to salvation on the icy Hudson River, passengers of Charlotte-bound Flight 1549 have their say in a book being released today, one that contains an intriguing hypothesis: A key reason the evacuation of the jetliner went so smoothly was because it was largely populated by Southerners.

Read the whole story here .

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how does this tie look?

Depends on your perspective. The Monday night game left Weapons-Cavalry and Steel Curtain-Taxmen all knotted up. You know what happens after that.

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battle of the benches

The two leading receivers for the week -- Miles Austin (24 points) and Roddy White (22) -- could only sit and watch as their owners (Flaming Chickens and Shiners) did battle. Adding further insult to injury was that the Chickens' bench outscored the starters, 57-56.

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once upon a midnight dreary ...

So in Baltimore on Sunday they buried Edgar Allan Poe again. Or rather, they gave him a more fitting funeral, since only a handful of people attended his services in 1849. Here is his obituary in its entirety as it appeared in The Baltimore Sun on October 8, the day after he died:

“Death of Edgar A. Poe. – We regret to learn that Edgar A. Poe, Esq., the distinguished American poet, scholar and critic, died in this city yesterday morning, after an illness of four or five days. This announcement, coming so sudden and unexpected, will cause poignant regret among all who admire genius, and have sympathy for the frailties too often attending it. Mr. Poe, we believe, was a native of this State, though reared by a foster-father at Richmond, Va., where he lately spent some time on a visit. He was in the 38th year of his age.”

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while the taxmen were busy giving glory to Favre in the Highest ...

... The commish caught the last few minutes of Ben Roethlisberger's pro-wrestling appearance. He brought along the Steelers offensive line, and the ending was very much the guilty pleasure: Big Ben and the boys prevent the bad guy from beating a hasty retreat, bad guy loses, Steelers celebrate with the good guys as the crowd in Wilkes-Barre goes bonkers. 

To elaborate further would only confirm to league members that the commish remains an occasional pro wrestling fan, a trait that Mrs. Commish finds completely unnerving.

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i'm with the band

You know your kid's a band geek (and happy to be one) when she buys a T-shirt that says, WHAT THE HECK IS THE FOOTBALL TEAM DOING ON THE MARCHING BAND FIELD?

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brett favre man-crush club gets another member

That would be the Taxmen, who, having acquired the QB in the days prior, sat back and watched as the Purple Sage carried the Taxmen to a tiebreaking victory over Babs.

And so Brett Favre divides yet another happy household. Sigh.

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The night the ground shook

Turning your attention to the college game for a moment ... #1 Florida plays #4 LSU this weekend in Baton Rouge, where the crowd once got so loud that it registered as an earthquake.

Click here to see a video about the 1988 moment and here to read more about it.

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it's not how you play the game, it's how you look when you play the game

Favorite new obscure Web site: www.uniwatchblog.com, covering all manner of athletic wear. Click here to read about the author's giddy visit to the Western Pennsylvania Sports Museum (inside the Heinz History Center). He's particularly fond of the gold shoes sported by L.C. Greenwood.

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parity rears its ugly head

Of the 12 teams in the league, 7 have records of 2-1.

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these are the ties that try women's souls

First tie of the season, between the Shiners and Winehausfrau. Tiebreaker: Bench points. Edge: Winehausfrau.

The commish is considering a new tiebreaker next year. Click here for a preview.

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steve smith squared

Stats through two games:

Giants WR Steve Smith: 16 catches, 214 yards, 1 TD, 16 fantasy points.

Panthers WR Steve Smith: 11 catches, 152 yards, 0 TD, 7 fantasy points.

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it's been 15 years ...

... since Kordell Stewart's greatest play ever. Unfortunately, he was not a member of the Steelers at the time. Relive the "Miracle at Michigan" (September 24, 1994) by clicking here.

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note to our card-carrying member of the Southern Poverty Law Center

Among this year's recipients of the MacArthur Foundation's "genius" grants ($500,000, no strings attached) is Jerry Mitchell of the Jackson (Miss.) Clarion-Ledger, who has spent years reported on unpunished killings from the civil rights era.

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if you missed the colts-dolphins game ...

... you missed a strange one. Miami ran 84 plays to the Colts' 35 (just 14 of those in the second half). Miami rushed for 239 yards to the Colts' 61. Miami converted 15 of 21 first downs. The Colts had the ball for less than 15 minutes out of 60. What happened? Colts win, of course, on an 80-yard, 30-second drive late in the game.

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R.I.P. henry gibson

Known for his comic roles and light verse, he was also an environmental activist and former Air Force intelligence officer. And though he seemed to affect a Southern accent, he was born in Germantown, Pa.

THE THUMBNAIL
Did you ever stop to figure
why the thumbnail is so hard?
Well, it hasn't got much choice
with all that skin to guard.
It may look fat and pudgy
but its heart is good and true.
It's prettier than a toenail ...
and easier to chew.

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week 2: burning up the bench

Babs' win over Steel Curtain is all the more impressive when you consider that she had Tennessee RB Chris Johnson (31 points) on the bench.

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week 2: at war with themselves

* Montana's bench outscored the starters, 31-27.
* Cat Success' bench outscored the starters, 40-31.

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elsewhere in blogville ...

The blog we started at the paper to celebrate Southeastern Conference football has done pretty well so far -- we're among the half-dozen most-read blogs. While some locals have accused us of shoving SEC football down their throats (hey, that sounds like something Serena Williams would say), there's no shortage of Deep South zealots here in Charlotte. If you're interested in reading more about the realest football this side of Pittsburgh, click here.

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somebody get Jeff George on the line

In his last two games (last season's playoff loss and this season's home opener), Carolina QB Jake Delhomme has 9 intereceptions and 2 fumbles.

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free agent alert: tight ends

Three TEs scored in double digits in Week 1: Seattle's John Carlson, New England's Ben Watson and New Orleans' Jeremy Shockey.

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at war with themselves

9th Mississippi Cavalry's 6-person bench outscored their 8-person starting lineup, 39-38.

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a salute to catastrophic success

For their decision-making a couple of weeks ago when they dropped the Eagles defense and immediately picked them back up. That wizard-like move (or moves) provided the margin of victory for Cat Success over Steel Curtain -- the Eagles D had 31 points, more than any fantasy life form up to and including Drew Brees.

Naturally, Cat Success celebrated by again berating the commish as to why fantasy scoring isn't more weighted toward defense.

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your all-minus team, week 1

* Mike Goodson, RB, Carolina (free agent): -1
* Anthony Fasano, TE, Miami (free agent): -2
* Jake Delhomme, QB, Carolina (Weapons of Pass Destruction, but soon to be a free agent): -4

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health care reform? don't worry, the insurance business will get along just fine

Click here to read about Fantasy Sports Insurance, which will reimburse a fantasy football player's entry fee if one of their players misses a certain number of games because of injury.

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Talk Like a Pirate Day is Sept. 19

"We have a plan in place for making this team competitive."

Whoops, wrong Pirates.

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the kennedy chronicles

Where Chappaquiddick was first mentioned in Ted Kennedy obituaries:

* Boston Globe -- 5th paragraph

* Wall Street Journal -- 6th graph

* Associated Press -- 7th graph

* Times of London -- 8th graph

* Washington Post -- 9th graph

* Boston Herald -- 10th graph

* Miami Herald -- 10th graph

* National Journal -- 11th graph

* L.A. Times / Chicago Tribune (same story) -- 12th graph

* New York Daily News -- 13th graph

* New York Times -- 14th graph

* New York Post -- 14th graph

* Reuters -- 18th graph

* USA Today -- 19th graph

* Politico -- 24th graph

* Roll Call -- 25th graph

* The Hill -- no mention

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best fantasy year ever

In 1961, playing for the AFL's Houston Oilers, QB George Blanda threw for 3300 yards and 36 touchdowns ... and also kicked 16 field goals and 64 extra points. Without doing all the math, I'm figuring that put him in the neighborhood of 20 points a game or so (it was a 14-game season back then).

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a soliloquy, as performed by brett favre

(with apologies to William Shakespeare and dithering Danish princes everywhere)

To be, or not to be -- that there's the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
and sling the spiral for outrageous fortune
or to take leave from a D of troubles
and by retiring, end it.
To suit up, perchance to dream: shoot, there's the rub,
for in suiting up what dreams may come
'til we have scrambled off this mortal soil ...

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The usual suspects

Just to recap ...

* Plaxico Burress will serve two years in prison after pleading guilty to a weapons charge.
* Saints K Garrett Hartley to be suspended for four games for testing positive for a stimulant. Taxmen were quick to cut him and pick up older-than-dirt John Carney.
* Brandon Marshall (Diane) acquitted of misdemeanor battery charges. Back with the Bronocs, though still unhappy.
* Eagles have signed Michael Vick (Louis). He'll be back in week 6 at the latest.
* Marshawn Lynch (Neil) will miss the first 3 games after pleading guilty to a gun charge.
* Donte Stallworth has been suspended for the season after pleading guilty to DUI manslaughter.

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the old heave 'ho

QB Brett Favre (free agent) has signed with the Vikings.

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what passes for fashion in pittsburgh

Of the 25 top-selling jerseys between April and August, three were from the Steelers: Polamalu at #2, Roethlisberger at #3 and Hines Ward at #11. No. 1? New Chicago QB Jay Cutler.

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The Bus is back!

Not so fast -- it was just a wardrobe malfunction at the Redskins game.

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all rosters have been loaded ...

... along with tentative starting lineups. Take a look and make sure you have who you think you have. The Add/Drop Cafe is also open for business.

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first trade of the year has been consummated

Please congratulate the happy couple, Rege Jr. and Kevin Simard. A trade of defenses -- Rege Jr. now has the Ravens, while Kevin gets the Patriots. The commish approved this whilst relaxing in the pool on Tuesday. No bribes were taken (and sadly, none were tendered).

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meet my high school football coach

He won't show up on any list of all-time Pirates greats, but Hugh McLaurin Pepper won a couple of games for them from 1954 to 1957 before coming back home to Mississippi. He had also been drafted by the Steelers (he was a running back in college).

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no hard feelings

Still smarting from three losses to the Steelers last year, Baltimore Ravens LB Terrell Suggs showed up for training camp in this T-shirt.

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best rolling stones songs ever. period.

Care to weigh in? Meet me at the beach. I'm bringing some friends.


* gimme shelter
* waiting on a friend
* paint it black
* sympathy for the devil
* let's spend the night together
* child of the moon
* under my thumb
* time is on my side
* dead flowers
* as tears go by

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greetings from the no-homer zone

The Panthers reported to camp Sunday. I offered this up for a front-page headline in light of QB Jake Delhomme's five-interception, one-fumble performance against the Cardinals in the playoffs last year. (Note the electric fan in his left hand.)

It was not accepted.


JAKE'S

ONE

FAN

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last year's scoring elite

a quick look at the top-shelf players from last year under our scoring system. but as they say on the mutual fund commercials, past results are no guarantee of future performance.

QUARTERBACKS (150 or more points)
* Drew Brees / Aaron Rodgers / Phillip Rivers / Kurt Warner / Jay Cutler (now with Chicago) / Peyton Manning / Donovan McNabb / Matt Cassel (now with KC)

RUNNING BACKS (140 or more points)
* DeAngelo Williams / Michael Turner / Thomas Jones / Matt Forte / Brandon Jacobs / Adrian Peterson / Maurice Jones-Drew / Ladanian Tomlinson / Brian Westbrook

WIDE RECEIVERS (100 or more points)
* Larry Fitzgerald / Calvin Johnson / Andre Johnson / Greg Jennings / Randy Moss / Anquan Boldin / Terrell Owens (now with Buffalo) / Roddy White / Steve Smith / Lance Moore / Antonio Bryant

DEFENSES (100 or more points)
* Steelers / Ravens / Eagles / Titans / Vikings / Giants / Bucs

Only 2 players scored more than 200 points last year: Drew Brees and the Steelers defense.

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draft order

1st -- pam
2nd -- ian
3rd -- laurie
4th -- kevin
5th -- rege sr.
6th -- rege jr.
7th -- neil
8th -- louis
9th -- diane
10th -- sherrie
11th -- babs
12th -- trent

RATIONALE:
* Allows ample time for all owners to perform due diligence -- especially Ian and Louis, who will be participating by phone.
* Having the draft order set early frees up valuable time for witty repartee as opposed to excruciatin' deliberatin' (a particular wish of Mrs. Commish).
* All grumbling about draft position can take place in the privacy of one's own home instead of at the draft table.

METHODOLOGY:
* Made an alphabetical list of all team names -- from 9th Miss. Cavalry to Your Original Champions.
* Used a random number generator -- www.random.org/form -- to generate a set of numbers from 1 to 12. The set came back as 12, 11, 5, 8, 2, 1, 9, 3, 6, 7, 10, 4.
* Assigned those numbers to the alphabetical list. Thus, 9th Miss. Cavalry picks 12th, Your Original Champions picks fourth, etc., etc.

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added some extra links ...

... so that you, too, can be armed with too much information.

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cumulative records through the years

Laurie: 51-41 (.554 percentage)
Kevin Simard: 52-42-1 (.553)
Sherrie: 49-45 (.521)
Rege Sr. 50-48 (.510)
Babs: 41-40-1 (.506)
Neil: 47-47 (.500)
Louis: 39-39-2 (.500)
Kevin Gallagher: 24-25-2 (.490)
Pam: 31-33-1 (.485)
Diane: 46-49-1 (.484)
Ian: 44-48-1 (.478)
Rege & Babs: 7-8-1 (.469)
Rege Jr.: 36-41-1 (.468)
Trent: 40-51-1 (.440)

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back in business

the league has been renewed for the coming season. i'll spend some time with the site in the next few days.

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